Funnily enough we've just been told that my SIL has set the date for our wedding, hope they won't expect us to pay for anything 'cos getting to Ireland is going to cost enough!

I fully understand the wedding present list thing simply to avoid the three toasters, four pedal bins and sixteen sets of bath towels... I think they're a great idea as long as they contain gift ideas at various levels to suit everyone's pocket.

With the price of housing being as it is I can even see some sense in asking for donations of cash... as long as they don't turn their noses up at Aunt Annie's £5 donation.

However if you don't qualify as family/friend enough to be invited to the actual wedding, gifts should be entirely optional shouldn't they?

Frankly speaking, we've been invited to a "wedding do" in September... we won't be going. I won't be driving six hours each way to spend an evening with people I hardly know, plus the cost of overnight stay, petrol, drinks, food, etc... but then I'm tight-fisted miserable old git, as the family are fond of reminding me!

It is difficult - like Usky, I can see the sense in having a wedding list to avoid duplication. But it's difficult when the list is kept at a big store and all the cheaper things go and non-family are left with the dearer items (mind you, I do think it is bloody cheeky what people put on their lists these days - dishwasher???)

But inviting people to a party rather than the wedding service, and not giving people who have spent a fortune getting there and paying for accommodation any food or drink and then expecting a present is a bit off in my opinion!

I've been to quite a few weddings over the last 4 years, my own included. We had a gift list from Debenhams with summat for all budgets, but only mentioned it if people asked us. Some of our friends though had gift list details in with the wedding invitations!

We had a sit down meal for the wedding and buffet for the evening only guests, but couldn't stretch to paying for drinks. Weddings are so expensive now, and hardly any of the evening buffet was eaten as most people ate before coming out, so I was annoyed I had spent a fortune (to me) on this.

I'm happy to pay for my own drinks at a wedding, knowing how long it is taking me to repay my mum. I did go to one wedding of an inlaw which was in France where the live, and we had to pay for flights, hotel and have additional spending money for the time we were abroad. The wedding was a naff affair at lunch time, we didn't get a meal til about 8pm and we had to sit out in the sun all day. The wine was free though.

Then again I also went to a wedding celebration in a field where our wedding gift was a big dish of homemade potato salad and to help erect the marquees and wipe up a few dishes. That was a beautiful ceremony and everyone lent a hand.

Takes all sorts!